Thursday, February 5, 2009

Milestones


If you know Benjamin, then you know that he loves his blue "Shaggy Dog" puppy/pup-pup. His first word was pu-pu for this little dog. He won his stuffed dog playing BINGO in Hawaii at the Family Reunion. He doesn't actually remember this and he wasn't actually playing because he was only 4 months old. They've been inseparable ever since. They've been very cute together and have had many wonderful adventures. When he was a baby, we would know that Benjamin was awake because he would lay in his crib shaking his puppy. We would hear puppy's rattle and know to go get our snuggly, smiling cherub. We had to do surgery last year to replace the rattle. The Giraffe donated his. Benjamin and his puppy love to travel together and pretend the day away with all kinds of activities and games from puppy shows and circuses to all kinds of different puppy adventures. Puppy even gets birthday parties and Christmas presents and he has a special "viewcam" to keep an eye on Benjamin when they're apart.

In the last little bit though, we've been trying to solve a problem. In Benjamin's words, "Puppy makes me suck my thumb!" The thumb issue is a difficult one. I sucked my thumb too. I stopped doing it in public long before I ever gave it up to go to sleep. I remember all the effort my family put into to trying to tease me out of doing it, the things they put on my thumb to keep me from putting it in my mouth and the general troubles. Benjamin's dentist said, he needed to give it up or he would need orthodontics. The pediatrician said to in a sense not make an issue of it, but to make him keep his puppy in his room. If he needs puppy then he can go to his room. He will either rest or return to be with everyone else and that he would naturally give up the habit. This sounded like good advise. If you ask Benjamin the "rule", he can tell you where puppy is supposed to be, but following it...not as easy as the pediatrician proposed. I constantly battle with myself about the whole thing. I think the relationship he has with his dog is very important. He's his absolute best imaginary (practically) real friend and advocate. And ultimately you can't take a thumb away from a child. It has to be a choice. I've never wanted him to give up his puppy, just the habit connected to him.

Then suddenly last night, my little boy decided to grow up. As a result of the cold his hands and thumb in particular are sore and cracked. Lanolin is the only thing that doesn't sting, but he hates the greasy feeling. I think something about turning five and conversations or interactions with his friends may have influenced him as well. So at bedtime Benjamin tells me, "Put puppy up there really high. If I don't have him I won't suck my thumb. I'll sleep with husky dog instead." Just like that. His decision. I told him that he didn't have to do this, but that I was really proud of him (I told him this many, many times because I was). He stuck to it. He was very calm about it. Eventually he decided that mittens would help him too. So my strong little boy went to bed without his puppy by his own choice wearing mittens.

He did ask for some extra snuggling time with mom. Easy! He talked the whole time. "Now I'm done with puppy, he needs to go to work. He works at the CDC. We need to make him a box that will be his work. Do you think we can do that? When I'm done with my puppies then they will go to work. It's hard to go to sleep without my thumb. It's the only way I know how to go to sleep. You can have my puppy now, NeeMom."

So Benjamin did it!

I was proud and sad all at the same time. I'm glad for him, but I feel like I kissed my baby good-bye last night. I have the mother pang of wanting a child to become their everything yet wishing we could fly to Neverland to stop time.

4 comments:

  1. YEAH for Benjamin! I didn't give it up til I was 8 years old. And we had to put a palate expander in to stop Ti so good for him!

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  2. Pup-Pup looked rather new and clean in that photo. The last time we were there with you, I don't remember him looking so debonair! Is this Pup-Pup.1 or .2??

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  3. There's only been one. Blue Puppy photographs well. Even after a good washing, he's beginning to be a bit more gray than blue! Husky dog is fresh and new. Night #2 was not so easy. I knew it wouldn't be. Benjamin didn't feel so cavalier about the whole thing. He wanted his puppy. So what's a mom to do? We talked for a little. I gave my reasons for why it would be good to continue what he had started. He was getting weepy. But then I got one of those parent inspirations. I realized that he thought I was keeping his puppy/thumb from him. So I told him, "Mom's rule is that you keep puppy and your thumb in your bedroom. I don't care if you go to sleep with puppy and your thumb or not. I think it would be a good idea if you didn't do it. I'm very proud of you for what you did last night. I know you're strong and you're trying to do a very hard, grown-up thing. But this is your choice. You can have your puppy if you want." He stopped crying. Sweet little boy with his gloves on. I soooooo ached for him, but I didn't really want him to give up so easily. I can tell that he really wants to give up the habit--it's just HARD! I KNOW! He didn't take his gloves off, he snuggled with his dog. I waited awhile. Then I said, "Are you all right?" He was. "What are you going to do?" Troubled he replied, "I DON'T know." But he was no longer fighting with me. He was fighting with himself. This is a CRAZY new realm of parenting for me all this maturing and cognitive leaping and choice making.

    I think about this a lot. I want my kids to make good choices, but I want them to want to make these choices. Isn't that the hardest thing as a parent. To encourage, suggest, advise, but to allow freedom of choice and expression. And yet, I know I created the expectation for him. I had given him the green light, but he knew what I thought he should do.....OHHHHHHHH!!! Children be forgiving of your parents. We JUST LOVE YOU!

    Finally he said, "Here take Puppy, but put him where I can reach him if I need him." And then, "A Mr. Tippy Top story?" "YOU BET!" And we had some good story telling and I left the room. He would put his gloved thumb up to his mouth and look at his dog at first, but soon we were into the story and Husky dog was flying in the space shuttle and I kissed him good night.

    He was asleep before he even had to think about it anymore.

    Phew.

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  4. I posted a comment yesterday after reading your experience with Benjamin but it doesn't seem to be here now. I was sympathetic with your dilemma as I went through that with Robyn and Cheryl and it finally took an appliance to stop their thumb sucking. Hope Benjamin can continue to be brave and ignore that crazy thumb that wants so badly to get in his mouth!! Love to all....Grammie

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